I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
