he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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