ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
