he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
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