WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
