Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
