My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
