I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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