i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize