You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize