ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
