i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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