I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
