Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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