i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
