Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
