Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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