I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
