There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
