What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
