I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
