I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
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