Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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