Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
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