Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
