He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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