pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
