woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I pour the whiskey from now on
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
