I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Everything about him screamed your future.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
