Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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