If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I didn't notice because vodka
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
