She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
