there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
