hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
