i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
