the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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