my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
