Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
