No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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