Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
