my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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