just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
