you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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