I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
