Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
