Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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