sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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