I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Randomize