what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
