i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
