Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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