I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
