Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
