jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize