are you still at the devil's house?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
high people should be assigned attendants
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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