So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
