I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
