My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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