It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
