Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
