I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
