I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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