Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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