I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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