I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
