I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
