I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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