So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Dignity is for republicans.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
