if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
