Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
