He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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