I can't watch pbs sober anymore
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
