how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
