As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
