you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
