Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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