im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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