if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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