this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
sex in a hospital.. check
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
