he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
