you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
